Sometimes as parents, wives and husbands we feel like we are drowning, drowning in responsibility. Working to make ends meet so much, that we lose ourselves. We lose who we are as husband and wife. That connection and spark you had when you first started dating disappears and replaces itself with nagging, frustration and your ability to hold niceties has vanished.
I am learning, That this is OK.
This month we (my husband and I) celebrate ten years being together………..Ten years nothing to bat an eyelid at! Where has that time gone.
This hasn’t come without its hard times. This is real. This is life together. This is what I have come to believe is the norm of not just marriage (as you might not be married but finding the same bumps in the road) but together as a co-habitat of life. There are days, weeks and months that are hard. It’s not like you are fighting all the time, you are just there, you are present, but you are constantly thinking of what needs to be done next, what part of the daily routine is next, you don’t mean to. It just happens. You mentally have checked out without realising and are cruising on auto pilot and going through the motions of the day.
Its ok to feel like we are doing more then we believe we are capable of, being stretched to the limit, as a parent and neglecting that promise we made as husband and wife.
I have come to value the times that are a bit harder as it makes me really appreciate the times where everything falls into place and seem that bit easier.
Just recently we have had a bit of a social buzz taking us physically away from our roles as parents. I didn’t realise how badly we needed it. Life has been a huge juggling act this past year with hubby working away. Parenting on my own, taking on the responsibilities for work, house life, mum and parenting as well as working from home. 12 months of this, 12 months of being a solo parent 5 and ½ days a week. – I tell you – parents who do this 7 days/week, 52 weeks/year my hat is firmly off to you! What an adjustment!!! Without even realising I would make tiny changes in routine and not communicate these and expect him to know what they are. Then get cranky when he wouldn’t do it (such a bitch I know). Then adjusting to him being home, don’t get me wrong. I was so grateful he was home but I hadn’t realised how much we had changed in 12 months to not really living together to all of a sudden back to life together. I was so excited but naive to think that we were the same people (I hadn’t realised how strong emotionally I had become without him around) and it would be as though nothing had changed. Being contracted back down home meant readjusting to sharing the parenting role, readjusting to sharing the work load again and readjusting to our lives together as a family 7 days a week. This came with its challenges and hurdles but I wouldn’t change it for the world. I love that he is home every day and the kids get to actually see him for more then 36 hrs a week.
Not realising until these last 4 weeks how much we needed it to be just us. To reconnect for that strong parent alliance again. At the beginning, I felt horrible leaving the kids, I don’t normally but with everything that has been going on I was emotional, then I realised how much I had missed this man. How much I have craved time with him. Adoring the moments with him and him alone. No one tugging at my clothes to get me to get their drink, or that they wanted a hug or they can’t open the toilet door.
I won’t feel guilty for it. Yes, I missed them. But I know to have a healthy relationship and demonstrate how a marriage should work I need to reconnect with him. With the man who has given me my dreams and more. Grateful that he chose me to be the mother of his children. That he trusts me enough to raise them with him. Know that I will hold my head oh so high with the 4 children I have been blessed with in my life. What greater gift than your partner believing you can be the best asset to their child.
I appreciate everything he does, I always have.
So, take those moments.
Take the dinners, the movies, the day dates.